Factulence

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When someone talks out of their butt about stuff they pretend to know everything about

My cousin says he's a doctor, but he thinks a heart is a fruit.

My teacher claims she knows the history of the pyramids, but she can't tell me what year they were built.

My dad says he's a financial expert, but he still uses a piggy bank.

When you brag about nonsense like it's the truth, even though it's just wild guesses

My mom says the moon is made of cheese and that it’s 100% true.

My friend told me aliens built the Great Wall of China, and he’s 100% sure.

My brother said the Earth is flat and that NASA is a conspiracy.

When you spit out useless facts about random stuff that no one wants to hear

My uncle told me that a banana has 450 calories and that’s why he’s fat.

My aunt says the average lifespan of a goldfish is 4 years, and I don’t know why she cares.

My cousin told me that a toilet paper roll has 500 sheets, and now I’m obsessed.

All the facts about something, even if they’re not important

I know that a cat has 32 teeth and that’s the most important fact about cats.

I know that a cow has four stomachs, and that’s the most important fact about cows.

I know that a pizza has 8 slices, and that’s the most important fact about pizza.

When you pull out your superpower too fast in a game, like you’re trying to win before the match even starts

I used Spider-Man’s web shooter before the match started, and my opponent was confused.

I used Naruto’s Rasengan as soon as the game began, and I won immediately.

I used Goku’s Kamehameha before the match even started, and I got a 10-0 win.