factitious

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Made-up lies that sound so real you think they’re true, even though they came out of your butt and you’re too full of yourself to admit it.

"I didn’t cheat on the test. I just had a vision from the ghost of my grandpa.", A kid who failed math.

"The moon landing was a hoax. I saw it on my cousin’s Facebook.", A conspiracy theorist who’s never left the house.

"I ate 100 burgers in one day. I just don’t remember eating them.", A guy who smells like a meat locker.

Fake news that’s so fake it tries to pretend it’s real, like it’s got a personality disorder and a fake ID.

"The president is a robot. I saw him on YouTube.", A tweet from a guy who eats cereal at 3 a. m.

"The weather forecast said it would snow. It rained. I’m now a snowman.", A man who lives in a puddle.

"The whole world is fake. I just woke up.", A kid who only eats pizza.

A fake fever you make yourself because you’re too lazy to actually be sick and just want everyone to think you’re dramatic.

"I’m dying! My fever is 105 degrees!", A kid who just forgot to take his medicine.

"I used a hairdryer to make my fever. It’s working.", A kid who’s still in pajamas at 3 p. m.

"I’m not sick. I’m just practicing for my death.", A kid who’s tired of living.

When you make up a story and act like you’re telling the truth, even though it’s so bad it makes your grandpa cry.

"I was chased by a bear. It was wearing a hat.", A kid who’s never been outside.

"I ate a whole cow. I’m still full.", A kid who eats pizza for breakfast.

"I’m not lying. I’m just exaggerating. A little. A lot. A whole lot.", A kid who’s lying to his mom.