Factitioner

"I didn’t cheat on the test. I just... gave it a little extra love.", Mr. Johnson, during parent-teacher conference

My mom says the moon is made of cheese. I say it’s made of her lies.

He claims he’s the best at math. I’ve seen him add 2+2 and get 5. Twice.

"I was chased by a bear in my backyard last night.", My neighbor, who was just late to work.

She told me she met a celebrity. I looked it up. She didn’t.

He says he’s a superhero. He doesn’t even know how to tie his shoes.

"My dog ran away. He’s not lost. He’s just taking a vacation.", My dad, who’s clearly mad at the dog.

She told me her cat could speak Latin. I asked it a question. It just blinked.

He told his goldfish he was going to win the lottery. The fish just floated there.

"I studied for 10 hours. I just didn’t study the right stuff.", My brother, who failed the test.

She said the Earth was flat. I showed her a video. She said it was fake.

He claims he can read minds. I asked him what I was thinking. He said, 'You’re dumb.'

"I didn’t skip class. I was just doing a little research on the moon.", My friend, who’s been late to every class this week.

He told me he could do 10 push-ups. I counted. He did two.

She said she got an A. I checked the grade book. It said F.

"I didn’t eat the whole cake. I just... sampled it.", My mom, who ate the whole cake.

He told me he was a billionaire. I asked him for a dollar. He said no.

She said she could fly. I asked her to prove it. She just fell off the couch.