Facebook Hibernation

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3 views · Added 13d ago · 5 definitions

When you log into Facebook so rarely that your friends think you died and your ex thinks you're still mad about the pizza incident.

'I tried to message him but his profile says he's offline... like, for real.'

'She hasn't posted in three months. I'm starting to worry she's been turned into a vampire.'

'He came back from vacation and had 500 notifications. He looked like he'd been shot.'

When you basically quit Facebook but still have it open on your phone like it's a cursed app you can't delete.

'I opened Facebook and it was just my ex's cat posting selfies. I closed it immediately.'

'He said he was going to delete Facebook. Then he deleted his ex's ex's ex's profile.'

'She hasn't used Facebook in four months, but she still checks it every day like it's her ex's heartbeat.'

When you're so tired of Facebook that you log in just to yell at your ex and then leave.

'I logged in just to tell my ex he looked like a raccoon in that photo. I left before he replied.'

'She opened Facebook, saw her ex's status, and screamed into her pillow.'

'He logged in, saw his ex's new post, and immediately went to the bar.'

When you take a break from Facebook so long that your friends think you're in a different country and your mom thinks you're dead.

'She hasn't posted in five months. I think she's in a coma.'

'He came back from a trip and had 200 notifications. He looked like he'd been tortured.'

'My mom called me and said my dad was missing. I checked Facebook and saw he was just posting selfies in the grocery store.'

When you basically abandon Facebook for so long that it starts to feel like you're ghosting your own profile.

'I haven't posted in six months. My profile looks like it's been abandoned by ghosts.'

'He came back after three months and had 400 notifications. He looked like he'd been haunted.'

'She said she was going to take a break from Facebook. Then she posted a whole status about it.'