Faceballer

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1
A faceballer is a sweaty, coffee-drinking fan who live-tweets the whole Super Bowl like it's a soap opera. They yell at the TV, curse at the commercials, and make everyone else cringe with their fake hype.
'This commercial is the worst thing ever! I'm gonna die if the Rams win!'
'Tom Brady just threw a pass like it was a slap!'
'If the Chiefs win, I'm gonna eat my face!'
2
A faceballer is someone who uses Facebook to brag about their life, flirt with strangers, or roast people they’d never dare talk to in real life. It's like having a middle school lunch table but on the internet.
'If I saw you in real life, I’d punch you!'
'You look like a sad hot dog at a funeral.'
'I’m dating 3 people right now. None of them are you.'
3
Faceballer is a silly sport where people throw big balls at each other's faces like they're trying to kill each other. It’s the worst part of gym class, but with more balls.
'I’m gonna throw this ball so hard, it’ll be like being hit by a meatball sub!'
'Your face is softer than my grandma’s face!'
'I don’t care if it hurts, I’m gonna hit you with this ball!'
4
Ballsmacking is when a guy or group of guys pull out their wobbly, saggy balls and teabag someone until they hit them in the face with their junk. It’s the most embarrassing thing ever.
'I’m gonna teabag you so hard, you’ll smell like old cheese!'
'Your face is gonna be red from all this ballsmacking!'
'I don’t care if you’re my best friend, I’m still gonna ballsmack you!'
5
Faceball is like baseball, but instead of hitting a ball, you hit a person in the face. It’s the most painful version of baseball ever.
'I’m gonna hit you in the face with this ball!'
'You looked like a sad donut when I hit you!'
'I’m gonna hit you so hard, your face will be red for a week!'
6
Faceball is a dumb game where you hit a ball with a rake and hope it hits someone on the picnic bench. If you're stupid enough to play it, you probably also like Weller.
'I hit the ball and it flew straight at Weller's face!'
'I’m not out unless I get 5 strikes, which is impossible!'
'If the ball hits between two fences, I get a home run!'
7
A faceball bat is just a regular baseball bat, but it's used to smash someone’s face. It's like a bat and a punch combined.
'I’m gonna hit you with this bat until your face is red!'
'This bat is gonna be the most painful thing you've ever felt!'
'I don’t care if it’s a bat, I’m gonna hit you with it!'
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