Fabrictist

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A person who knows every stupid thing about fabric and can make it do whatever they want, even if it means screaming at it.

I can turn a single sock into a full suit if you let me. Or I’ll scream at it. Your call.

That fabric? It’s like a toddler. I’ve trained it.

You think fabric is just fabric? I’ve seen it cry.

Someone who knows more about fabric than your mom knows about your bad grades and can make it look good even when it’s clearly broken.

This fabric is broken. I fixed it. Your mom didn’t even notice.

You threw that fabric in the trash. I made it into a dress. It’s now wearing your mom.

That’s not fabric. That’s a crime scene. I made it look good.

A person who can make fabric do tricks, like magic, but also curse it if it doesn’t obey.

Fabric does tricks. I taught it. It’s also cursed me twice.

That fabric just did a backflip. I told it to. It also cursed me.

I can make fabric levitate. I also cursed my brother with it.

Someone who knows fabric like it’s their best friend and will yell at it if it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to.

Fabric is my best friend. It doesn’t listen. I yell at it.

That fabric didn’t do what I wanted. It got yelled at. Now it’s mad.

I told that fabric to behave. It didn’t. Now it’s wearing my pants.

A person who can make fabric look fancy, even if they had to rip it, burn it, or curse it to get it there.

That fabric looks fancy. I burned it. It’s now fancy and cursed me.

I ripped it. I made it fancy. You’re welcome.

That fabric was trash. Now it’s fancy. I’m not.