Fabiona

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The only person who can make you laugh when you're about to cry and still call you a meathead for being sad.

She sent me a meme of a crying dog wearing sunglasses and said, 'You’re not even sad enough for this.'

I texted her, 'I failed math again,' and she replied, 'You’re a disgrace. Go cry in the closet.'

She showed up at my house with pizza and said, 'You’re going to fail life if you don’t stop being a baby.'

A human glitter bomb who somehow makes you feel good even when you’re being yelled at by your mom.

My mom screamed at me for burning the dinner, and Fabiona texted me, 'Burn it again. I like the smell of failure.'

She showed up at my school and said, 'Your mom is a disgrace. I’m taking over.'

She sent me a glittery photo of herself with a note: 'You’re not a failure. You’re just a glittery failure.'

The one person who will never let you forget how awesome you are, even when you act like the worst human being ever.

I told her I was the worst person ever, and she said, 'Nope. You’re just the worst person ever today.'

She called me at 2 a. m. and said, 'You’re not the worst. You’re just the worst right now.'

I said I was going to quit everything, and she said, 'Nope. You’re just going to quit everything for now.'