F-Trooper

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2 views · Added 16d ago · 3 definitions

A guy who sells crap at fairs and festivals like he's the last man on Earth and you're the last person who'll buy his junk.

"I'm not selling these stupid keychains, I'm saving humanity."

"You think this is a fair? It's a warzone and I'm the general."

"I've been here since dawn. I'm not leaving until I sell 1000 fanny packs."

A human trash can who shows up at festivals and tries to sell you stuff that looks like it came from a haunted closet.

"This necklace is cursed. I’ve sold it to 12 people and they all turned into raccoons."

"I don’t just sell stuff. I sell dreams… and also terrible fanny packs."

"You’re not at a festival. You’re at a war. And I’m the enemy."

A street vendor who shows up at every festival like he's been paid by the devil to annoy you and sell you crap.

"I don’t work for the festival. I work for the devil. And he gives me a commission."

"I sell stuff so bad, even the raccoons laugh at me."

"I’ve been here since the dawn of time. Or at least since 2014."