1
Mouth sex is still not cheating, even if you're high on ketones and your tongue is numb from licking a plate.
'I didn’t cheat, I just had a snack.'
'I called it a snack, not a betrayal.'
'I was hungry, not heartbroken.'
eating is not cheating
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2
Real men don’t stop for food because they’re too busy pretending they’re not hungry, and also too busy being too proud to admit it.
'I’m not stopping, I’m just doing a pit stop.'
'Food is for wimps and women.'
'I’m not hungry, I’m just distracted.'
3
You say 'eating is not cheating' to make yourself feel better after giving a girl a head job while your girlfriend texts you about dinner.
'I didn’t cheat, I just had a snack.'
'I was distracted by the snack, not the girl.'
'I called it a snack, not a betrayal.'