Eating Brains

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When you drink so much you turn into a drunk zombie, stumbling like you just woke up from a nightmare and reek like a beer-soaked corpse.

I woke up at 3 AM, still wearing my pants, and my brother was still talking to me like I was a human.

She showed up to work with a bottle of whiskey in her hand and a look like she just killed someone.

He tried to dance, but it looked like a dog trying to do the moonwalk.

When a woman goes full beast mode and licks a man’s balls like they’re the last piece of pizza left.

She went wild, like a dog with a bone, and I couldn’t even think straight.

He was screaming like he was on fire, and she was still going.

It was like watching a lion eat a zebra and then start a karaoke party.

When something is so annoying it gets stuck in your head like a bad song you can't escape.

That kid in class kept talking during my nap, and now I dream about him.

My mom keeps texting me every hour with cat videos, and I’m getting annoyed.

My boss keeps asking me if I’m done, and I’m like, 'I’m still alive, aren’t I?'

When something is so awesome it makes your brain do a backflip and your heart do a happy dance.

That video was so good, I watched it 10 times and still wanted more.

That movie made me cry and then laugh, like I had a mood swing.

That art was so cool, I wanted to hug it like it was my best friend.

When a woman licks a man’s balls and he squishes his nuts like they're trying to escape from a prison.

She licked him like he was a donut, and he squished his nuts like they were trying to get away.

He looked like he was in pain, but she was still going strong.

It was like a wrestling match between his nuts and her tongue.

When you dig deep and rip every bit of information out of someone like they were a treasure chest.

He asked me 20 questions like I had a secret he needed to know.

She grilled me until I had nothing left to say.

He kept asking until I was like, 'I don’t know anything else, just stop.'