Slangipedia - Slang Dictionary

1

A sneaky way to mess with your old man, or when you finally afford that stupid car you wanted.

Dad: 'You eat the baby?' Me: 'No, I just bought a car.'

Bro: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'Yeah, and I got a car out of it.'

Dad: 'Eat the baby!' Me: 'I just got a car.'

2

When you swallow jizz like it’s the last meal on Earth and your wife is mad because she’s hungry.

Wife: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'I just swallowed jizz.'

Bro: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'I was hungry, okay?'

Wife: 'You ate the baby again?' Me: 'I was thirsty.'

3

When you stuff a Chipotle burrito in your face like it’s the last meal on Earth.

Chipotle: 'What’s your order?' Me: 'I eat the baby.'

Bro: 'You just ate the baby?' Me: 'And I’m still full.'

Mom: 'You ate the baby again?' Me: 'It was free.'

4

When you eat a baby, puke it up, then f*** it like it’s the last day on Earth, and then stick the pieces to trees like it’s a weird hobby.

Bro: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'I puked it up and f***ed it.'

Mom: 'You ate the baby again?' Me: 'I stuck it to a tree.'

Dad: 'What did you do?' Me: 'I ate the baby, puked it up, and f***ed it.'

5

When a giant panda eats its baby because it’s out of bamboo and it’s the worst decision ever.

Bro: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'I ran out of bamboo.'

Mom: 'You ate the baby again?' Me: 'I was hungry.'

Dad: 'What’s wrong with you?' Me: 'I ate the baby because I ran out of bamboo.'

6

When a woman swallows jizz after a blow job and it’s like she’s eating your future kids.

Bro: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'I got a blow job.'

Wife: 'You ate the baby again?' Me: 'I just swallowed jizz.'

Dad: 'What did you do?' Me: 'I swallowed jizz and it was your baby.'

7

A fancy way of saying 'She’ll kill you' and it’s usually true.

Bro: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'She’ll kill me.'

Wife: 'You ate the baby again?' Me: 'She’ll kill me again.'

Dad: 'You ate the baby?' Me: 'She’ll kill me.'