Easy Steps to Avoid Pro-Lifers

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Don’t even think about having sex. If you do, you’re a dead man walking.

My mom found out I had a crush on the mailman. I’m moving to Alaska.

He said he’d never touch another woman again. He’s in a convent now.

She texted me: 'If you have one more kid, I’m burning the house down.'

Wear a condom like it’s your last day on Earth. Birth control? That’s for people who can’t count.

I used the shot and now I look like a raccoon. I’m not even sure what I did wrong.

My sister took the pill and forgot to take it. Now she’s having a kid in July.

He said, 'I took the pill, and now I’m in the hospital. What even is life?'

When you have the kid, just drop it off like it’s a bad pizza. No questions. No feelings.

She left her kid at the adoption center. The kid cried. She texted me: 'I miss him.'

He dropped his kid off at the church. The priest said, 'This kid’s gonna be trouble.'

They left the baby on the doorstep. The neighbors called the cops. It was a baby. They didn’t know what to do.