Eastern Illinois University

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3 views · Added 14d ago · 3 definitions

1
A cheap college in Chucktown, Illinois, where everything smells like stale pizza and regret. It started as a school for teachers, but now it’s just a place where people waste money on degrees they don’t need.
I got a B in philosophy because I slept through class and the professor was high.
My roommate tried to start a band but just screamed into a kazoo.
I walked to class and realized I had no idea where I was going.
2
A college in the middle of nowhere that only has one decent store, and that’s Wal-Mart. You can walk from one end of campus to the other in 20 minutes if you’re not a fat kid who’s also holding a bag of chips.
I tried to find a job, but the only place hiring was Wal-Mart and the local gas station.
I walked to class and got lost because the campus looked like a maze of regret.
I took a 20-minute walk to class and realized I forgot my shoes.
3
A college that smells like old socks and bad decisions. It used to be for teachers, but now it’s just a place where people sit around doing nothing or getting drunk.
I had to take a class called ‘Intro to Philosophy’ and it was just me and a guy who talked to the ceiling.
I tried to party but the only place to go was Wal-Mart.
I got a degree in something I didn’t want and now I’m stuck with it.
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