Easter Catholic

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a fake Catholic who only shows up to church when there’s free snacks and a holiday to blame for their sins

I only go to Mass on Easter because I need the carbs and the guilt trip.

If I don’t go to church on Easter, I might as well be a pagan.

I’m not lazy, I’m just strategically religious.

a person who claims to be Catholic but only shows up on Easter like it’s a religious obligation they can skip

I go to church on Easter because I can’t remember the last time I saw a real priest.

I’m not a Catholic, I’m just a guy who shows up once a year and gets a free pizza.

I’m not missing Mass, I’m just taking a mental health day.

a Catholic who only shows up on Easter because they’re too drunk to remember their faith the rest of the year

I go to church on Easter because I need a break from my hangovers.

I’m not a bad Catholic, I’m just a drunk one.

I only remember God on Easter, and even then, I’m halfway to the bar.