East Van Couch

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A smelly old couch in East Van that’s been through hell and back and still lets you crash after a night of screaming into a bottle of cheap wine

I tried to sleep on that couch last night. It had more hair than my uncle’s leg.

That couch is like a second home for my hangovers.

I once saw a rat try to steal my chips off that couch. It lost.

The dirtiest couch in East Van that’s been used as a bed, a toilet, and a place to cry after getting dumped by your ex

That couch is so dirty, I think it’s got a life of its own.

I tried to eat chips on that couch. It tasted like regret.

My ex cried on that couch. Now it smells like broken hearts and expired chips.

A sad, sagging couch in East Van that’s been used by every drunk, sad, and broke person who’s ever lived

That couch is so broken, it probably feels sorry for you.

I tried to sit on that couch. It caved in like it was giving me a hug.

That couch has been through more drama than my mom’s love life.