East Machias

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A place so bad it makes your brain shut down.

I went to East Machias and my brain died. Literally. I had to call 911.

My cousin went to East Machias and now he talks like a broken toaster.

I told my teacher I was moving to East Machias and she cried.

The only thing worse than East Machias is someone who thinks it's cool.

My mom says East Machias is the best place ever. I don't know why she's still alive.

My friend tried to move to East Machias and now he's a ghost.

I told my dog I was moving to East Machias and he ran away.

A town so bad it makes your pants smell like regret.

I moved to East Machias and my pants now smell like my old math teacher's socks.

My sister moved to East Machias and came back with a face like a rotten potato.

I told my brother I was moving to East Machias and he said, 'I'd rather live in a trash can.'