East Jesusville

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A place that takes so long to get to it feels like you're being tortured by a slow-cooker with a grudge

I left my house at 8 a. m. and got to East Jesusville at 11:30. I could've taken a nap and still arrived first.

Trying to get to East Jesusville is like trying to get out of a jail cell with a broken leg.

I told my mom I’d be home by 6. I got to East Jesusville at 5:45. I’ve never been more ashamed.

A place that is so far away it might as well be on another planet and also cursed

I swear East Jesusville is haunted. I got lost twice and saw a ghost on the way.

I drove for two hours just to get to East Jesusville. My car cried.

My GPS said I was almost there. I was 10 minutes away. That’s not almost.

A place that makes you question your life choices and your car’s loyalty

I got to East Jesusville and my car had a breakdown. I think it hates me.

I took a shortcut to East Jesusville and ended up driving through a cornfield. What was I thinking?

I told my friend I’d meet him in East Jesusville. He got there first. I’m not even proud of that.

A place that feels like it was made by the devil to waste your time and your patience

East Jesusville is the devil’s trap. I fell into it and I might never get out.

I got to East Jesusville and my patience was gone. I had a meltdown in the middle of the road.

Trying to get to East Jesusville is like fighting a war. And I lost.

A place that is so far away it makes your legs sore and your brain tired

I got to East Jesusville and my legs were screaming. I think I’m going to die.

My brain was so tired from getting to East Jesusville I couldn’t even think straight.

I got to East Jesusville and I had to sit down. I was that exhausted.