East Jesus

"I live in East Jesus, and I swear the sun takes a nap there."

He moved to East Jesus because he wanted to escape the noise of civilization, and his mom.

My cousin went to East Jesus and came back with a sunburn and a question about the meaning of life.

"I’m not coming to visit. East Jesus is too far, and I don’t want to die on the way."

She said she was going to East Jesus for a weekend, but it’s been three weeks and she still hasn’t come back.

He got lost on the way to East Jesus and ended up in the middle of a cornfield screaming at a pigeon.

"East Jesus is the kind of town where the mayor’s main job is to yell at the mailman."

They have a festival every year in East Jesus called 'The Great Salsa Battle.' No one knows why it happens.

My dog ran away to East Jesus and now lives in a barn with a goat named Steve.

"I played East Jesus on repeat during my entire breakup. It felt like a divine punishment."

My brother sang East Jesus in the shower so loud the neighbors called the cops.

I learned the lyrics to East Jesus just so I could yell them at my math teacher.

"I live in East Jesus, and my only neighbors are a cat named Bob and a man who thinks he’s a wizard."

East Jesus is so empty that the wind doesn’t even bother to whisper there.

They say if you stay in East Jesus too long, you start talking to the trees.

"East Jesus is like BFE, but instead of a football game, they have a battle of the farts."

I told my friend I was going to BFE, but he said, 'No, you’re going to East Jesus. It’s the same thing.'

BFE is like East Jesus, but with better snacks and a bigger audience for your life choices.