east coast accent

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the voice of someone who thinks they're fancy but just sounds like a lost goat from Iowa

'I’m gonna go to the store, but I might not come back.' (said like a man who’s never been outside a Walmart.)

'Why don’t you just eat a sandwich and be quiet?'

DM: 'Hey bro, I’m gonna be late because I got stuck behind a tractor.' (He was two blocks away.)

the way a person talks like they’re from a TV show, but only watched it once and got it wrong

'I’m gonna get a coffee and then I’m gonna think about my feelings.'

‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.’ (He was screaming.)

‘This is the best day of my life, but I still need to check my email.’

the sound of a person who believes they’re sophisticated, but they just sound like they’re reading a grocery list

‘I’m going to the store, and I might come back, but I might not.’

‘I like pizza, but I also like the way I say it.’

‘I’m not confused, I’m just contemplating my options.’

the kind of voice you get when someone’s been stuck in a small town for so long they forgot how to speak

‘I’m going to the store, and I might come back, and I might not.’

‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed, and I might be sad too.’

‘I just need to check my email, and maybe my feelings.’

the way a person talks like they're from a dictionary, but it's just a bunch of made-up words

‘I’m going to the store, and I might come back, and I might not, and I might be confused.’

‘I’m not mad, I’m just slightly annoyed and slightly disappointed.’

‘I like pizza, but I also like the way I say it, and I like it a lot.’

the sound of a person who thinks they’re a philosopher, but they’re just a guy who reads a sign once and now uses it everywhere

‘I’m going to the store, and I might come back, and I might not, and I might be slightly confused.’

‘I’m not mad, I’m just slightly annoyed, and I might be slightly confused.’

‘I like pizza, and I like the way I say it, and I might be slightly confused about it.’