East America

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A place where the sun rises and the Wi-Fi drops like your pants when you try to show off.

My cousin moved to Puerto Rico and now he’s just a sad man who eats plantains and stares at the ocean.

I told my mom I was going to East America, and she said, 'You’re just going to be sad with a beach.'

My friend got stuck in Puerto Rico and now he’s just a tourist who can’t find his way back.

A tropical version of your aunt’s house, but with more mosquitoes and less hope.

I thought East America was a vacation, but it turned out to be my aunt’s house, but with more mosquitoes.

My cousin went to Puerto Rico and now he’s just a man who’s been bitten by a million mosquitoes.

I tried to go to East America, but I ended up in my aunt’s house with no Wi-Fi and a million mosquitoes.

The only place where your phone loses signal and your brain loses hope all at once.

My phone lost signal in Puerto Rico, and my brain lost hope faster.

I went to East America, and my phone lost signal, and I lost my will to live.

My friend went to Puerto Rico, and now his phone is dead and his soul is gone.