Ease a Gator Into The Water

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4 views · Added 14d ago · 6 definitions

1
When you have to go number two and the world feels like it’s holding its breath.
I was in the middle of a Zoom call and my pants were about to become my new best friend.
My dog looked at me like I had betrayed him.
I had to leave the room and my boss asked if I was okay.
2
The moment you realize your pants are your only hope.
I was on a date and I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom.
My cat was judging me from the top of the fridge.
I had to take my mom to the hospital because I was that bad.
3
When your guts feel like they’re trying to escape through your ears.
I was at the grocery store and I had to leave my cart behind.
I texted my friend and said, ‘I think I just committed treason.’
I had to sit on the floor in the lobby of a restaurant.
4
The desperation of a man who has no choice but to go.
I was in the middle of a math test and I had to write my answer in the corner of my paper.
I told my coworker I was going to the restroom and I never came back.
I had to borrow my kid’s pants to get through the day.
5
When you’re so close to the end, you can almost taste it.
I was in the middle of a speech and my voice started to crack.
I had to leave my meeting and my boss looked confused.
I told my friend, ‘I’m not coming to the party, I’m going to die.’
6
The final battle between you and the toilet.
I had to fight my way through the hallway to get to the bathroom.
I told my kid, ‘Don’t even think about going anywhere until I come back.’
I had to take my dog with me to the bathroom.
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