Ease a Gator Into The Water

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When you have to go number two and the world feels like it’s holding its breath.

I was in the middle of a Zoom call and my pants were about to become my new best friend.

My dog looked at me like I had betrayed him.

I had to leave the room and my boss asked if I was okay.

The moment you realize your pants are your only hope.

I was on a date and I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

My cat was judging me from the top of the fridge.

I had to take my mom to the hospital because I was that bad.

When your guts feel like they’re trying to escape through your ears.

I was at the grocery store and I had to leave my cart behind.

I texted my friend and said, ‘I think I just committed treason.’

I had to sit on the floor in the lobby of a restaurant.

The desperation of a man who has no choice but to go.

I was in the middle of a math test and I had to write my answer in the corner of my paper.

I told my coworker I was going to the restroom and I never came back.

I had to borrow my kid’s pants to get through the day.

When you’re so close to the end, you can almost taste it.

I was in the middle of a speech and my voice started to crack.

I had to leave my meeting and my boss looked confused.

I told my friend, ‘I’m not coming to the party, I’m going to die.’

The final battle between you and the toilet.

I had to fight my way through the hallway to get to the bathroom.

I told my kid, ‘Don’t even think about going anywhere until I come back.’

I had to take my dog with me to the bathroom.