Earned My Spade

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You did something so useless it made your brain hurt, and you’re too dumb to realize it was a waste of time.

I spent two hours cleaning my dog’s fart smell off the couch and called it a victory.

She got a promotion for filing a report that had typos and one swear word.

He lost a bet and had to eat a whole pizza for breakfast. He thought it was a win.

You tried to do something important and failed so bad it made your mom cry.

He tried to cook dinner and set the house on fire. He called it a masterpiece.

She gave a speech about love and cried because her socks were missing.

He failed a test and said it was the school’s fault.

You did something so tiny it was like a tiny fart, but you think it was huge.

He did a 10-second dance and called it a concert.

She moved one book from one shelf to another and called it a revolution.

He wrote a one-sentence essay and said it was a masterpiece.

You messed up so bad you should’ve been grounded for life, but you still think you’re cool.

He spilled a whole drink on his shirt and said it was a fashion statement.

She failed a math test and said the numbers were mean to her.

He got in trouble for talking during class and said the teacher was annoying.

You did something so stupid it made your brain go to sleep, and you’re too lazy to care.

He tried to build a robot out of Legos and it fell apart. He called it a tech revolution.

She tried to run a marathon and walked 10 steps. She said it was a victory.

He tried to learn how to ride a bike and fell five times. He called it a challenge.