Early Onset Functional Uselessness

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When a person gets too old before they even learn how to use a phone or a computer properly.

My dad tried to text me and cried because he didn’t know how to send a message.

She got a smart TV and spent three days just trying to figure out how to change the channel.

He bought a tablet and asked me if I could teach him how to turn it on.

When someone is too dumb to handle modern tech before they’re even middle-aged.

He tried to use a microwave and ended up burning down the kitchen.

She tried to use a smartphone and called me to ask if you could text backwards.

He got a robot vacuum and thought it was a new pet.

When you’re so useless with tech that you can’t even handle basic stuff before you’re 30.

She tried to use a coffee maker and ended up with a burnt cup of coffee and a broken machine.

He thought a QR code was a secret message from aliens.

She tried to use a remote and yelled at the TV like it was her enemy.

When you get old before you even know how to use a phone or a computer.

He tried to send an email and called me to ask if I could ‘text backwards’ for him.

She bought a smart speaker and asked it to play music by shouting at it.

He got a phone and asked me if the buttons were ‘for the blind’.

When someone’s brain is too weak to handle technology before they’re even old enough to be called ‘old’.

She tried to use a smartwatch and thought it was a new kind of jewelry.

He thought a laptop was a new kind of phone and tried to eat it.

She tried to use a tablet and asked me if it was a ‘big phone for people with big hands’.

When you lose your mind before you even learn how to use basic tech.

He tried to use a smart fridge and thought it was haunted.

She tried to use a phone and asked me if I could ‘speak in code’ for her.

He bought a phone and thought it was a new kind of calculator.