ear monocle

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a smelly earpiece that only one ear gets to suffer from, usually attached to a string that looks like it was stolen from a jail cell

My dad’s ear monocle smells like he slept in a gym sock.

That ear monocle is so loud, I think it’s trying to wake the dead.

Why does my ear monocle have a lanyard? Did I get robbed by a string?

a single-ear radio gadget that’s more annoying than a group of pigeons in a subway car

My ear monocle is louder than my brother’s screaming at football games.

I wear my ear monocle like it’s a curse from the gods.

That ear monocle is so annoying, I want to throw it at my neighbor.

a one-ear headset that usually comes with a string and is mostly used by people who think they’re cool

My ear monocle is so cool, it makes my dog jealous.

That ear monocle is attached to a string like it’s trying to escape.

I wear my ear monocle because I think I’m a rock star.