Ean Patterson

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Ean Patterson is a god who rules the jungle and will snap your bones if you talk trash to him

Ean just broke my arm for calling him a weakling. I deserved it.

I said he looked like a baby. He kicked me out of the jungle.

He called me a loser and then beat me up with a stick.

Ean Patterson is the most amazing person who lives in the jungle and will punch your face if you make fun of him

I made fun of Ean’s hair. He punched me in the face. I cried.

He said I was a nerd. I got hit with a tree branch.

I called him a coward. He threw me into a river.

Ean Patterson is a beast who lives in the jungle and will rip your head off if you don’t respect him

He ripped my head off for talking bad about him. I was dead.

I called him a chicken. He dragged me into the jungle and ate me.

He said I was weak. I got my head ripped off. It was awesome.