Eagleville Missouri

Eagleville is a dump so bad it thinks it's the moon. If you want to feel like you're being judged by a group of inbred rednecks who think they're royalty because their last name starts with a C or a G, then Eagleville is your new home. They’re so judgmental, they probably have a cop on speed dial just in case.

Eagleville is like a bad tattoo you can’t get off. Everyone there thinks they’re better than you because their family has been there since the beginning of time. If your last name doesn’t start with a P, you’re not even allowed to breathe in the same air as them.

Eagleville is the kind of town that would throw you in jail for not wearing a hat on a Tuesday. The cops are more corrupt than a donut shop on a sugar rush, and the previous sheriff got caught stealing drugs and painting his wall red because he was that embarrassed.