dadvisor

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A man who acts like he knows everything because he once had a job that didn't require a brain.

'You don't need a college degree to fix your car. I fixed mine with a hammer and a curse.'

'Why did you eat that whole pizza? I told you to save it for later. You're a grown man.'

'You can't just text your mom and say 'I'm fine.' You're supposed to call her and cry in the background.'

A man who thinks he's a genius, but he's just been wrong for 30 years.

'You don't need a GPS to get to the store. I got there in 1987 without one.'

'You failed math? That's not possible. I passed algebra in my sleep.'

'You're not a failure. You're just a failure with poor timing.'

A man who gives advice like it's a royal decree, but it's mostly just his own regrets.

'You should've taken that job in Florida. Now you're stuck here with me.'

'You didn't listen to me. Now you're paying for your own mistakes.'

'I told you to stay out of trouble. Now you're in trouble and I'm in trouble.'

A man who thinks he's your best friend, but he's just trying to avoid being called 'old man.'

'You're not old. You're just old and tired.'

'I'm your best friend. I've been your best friend since you were 5.'

'You can call me 'old man' if you want, but I'm still your best friend.'

A man who thinks he's a legend, but he's just been wrong for 30 years and still thinks he's right.

'I'm not a legend. I'm just a man who knows what's best for you.'

'I told you to stop smoking. Now you're coughing like a dragon.'

'You're not failing. You're just failing in a way that I didn't expect.'

A man who gives advice like it's the last word on Earth, but it's just his own mistakes.

'I told you to save money. Now you're broke.'

'You didn't listen to me. Now you're in debt.'

'You should've taken my advice. Now you're stuck with your own mistakes.'