D.A.D.S (dads)

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The time when your dad smells like a toilet and can’t remember his own name

Dad: I’m gonna be cool today. Mom: Yeah, right. 3 hours later: Dad: Who am I?

Dad tried to make breakfast. It looked like a science experiment. And it failed.

Dad: I’m gonna take a nap. 2 hours later: Dad: I was never asleep.

When your dad drinks so much he turns into a human trash can

Dad: I’m fine. 1 hour later: Dad: I’m gonna die. 2 hours later: Dad: I’m still alive. But I’m gonna die again.

Dad tried to dance. He fell over. Twice.

Dad tried to talk. He just screamed. At the wall.

Dads who drink so much they forget how to walk and talk at the same time

Dad tried to walk. He wobbled like a drunk penguin.

Dad tried to talk. He said ‘butter’ instead of ‘butterfly’. Twice.

Dad tried to hug me. He just fell over.

Dads who drink until they look like they’ve been in a fight with a bar

Dad came home looking like he’d been hit by a drunk truck.

Dad tried to smile. It looked like a grimace. And a curse.

Dad tried to sit. He fell. On the floor. And cried.

Dads who drink so much they turn into a walking mess and forget everything

Dad: I’m gonna remember my name. He forgot it. Again.

Dad tried to eat. He threw up. On the couch. And the cat.

Dad tried to say goodbye. He just screamed. At the dog.

Dads who drink until they smell like a wet sock and can’t remember their own face

Dad tried to look in the mirror. He screamed. At himself.

Dad tried to brush his teeth. He just threw up.

Dad tried to say ‘hello’. He said ‘why’.