Dadness

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4 views · Added 17d ago · 6 definitions

When a man becomes a dad and gets stuck in life forever like a stuck pig in a mud wallow.

My dad is still talking about my first steps like it was yesterday. I’m 25 and he still says, 'I was there!'

He came to my job interview and told the boss I was a 'boring kid.'

He texts me at 3 a. m. to tell me he saw a deer and it was 'the most beautiful thing ever.'

When your dad disappears like he was never there and you wonder if he was ever real.

He said he was going to the store and hasn’t come back in 3 days.

He left a note that said, 'I’m going to get pizza.'

He walked out of the house and never came back. Just like that.

When something just vanishes like it was never there and you swear you saw it disappear.

My mom’s favorite hat just disappeared. She said it was 'magic.'

My little brother’s toy went missing and he cried for an hour.

My dad’s socks are gone. He said they were 'taken by the sock monster.'

A person who can either save your life or turn it into a flaming disaster with no warning.

My dad showed up at my prom and started fighting with my teacher.

He gave me a job at his restaurant and I got fired in 2 days.

He told my crush I was 'a weird kid' and now she won’t talk to me.

When you drink so much the next morning you go to the bathroom and it looks like a crime scene.

I woke up and my stool was green and it looked like it came from a horror movie.

After last night’s drinking, I went to the bathroom and it was like a murder happened.

I had the worst Dadness ever. It was dark and it moved.

When you eat so much garbage your gut explodes and you’re stuck in the bathroom like a trapped animal.

I ate three pizzas and two burgers and now I can’t move. I’m stuck in the bathroom like a pig.

My dad said I had the worst Dadness of the year. He said it was 'like a lava flow.'

I went to the bathroom and my stool looked like it had a life of its own.