D-Rod

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A guy so good he makes everyone else look like a bad punchline. He’s the one who helps you move and doesn’t laugh when you trip over your own feet.

D-Rod showed up with a truck and a smile. I showed up with a broken toe.

He carried my couch up three flights. I carried my pride down.

He picked me up from the airport. I picked up my luggage and my sanity.

A total piece of garbage. The kind of guy who would steal your fries and then blame the waiter.

D-Rod called me a piece of garbage. I called him a garbage can with a phone.

He said I was an asshole. I said he was an asshole with a delusion.

He called me a loser. I called him a loser who forgot how to breathe.

A long, hard, glorious thing. It’s not just a dick. It’s a lifestyle.

D-Rod’s shlong was so big it had its own zip code.

He said his johnson was the reason he passed math.

He called his dick a superhero. I called it a miracle.

Sleeping with someone just to get a roof over your head. It’s not love. It’s a rental agreement.

I slept with my boss to get a room. I got a room and a raise.

I had sex with my landlord. I got a free apartment and a headache.

I traded my dignity for a bed. I got a bed and a broken heart.

Getting so deep in the butt that you feel it in your soul. It’s like a full body massage from the inside out.

D-Rod gave me the anal obliteration of the century. I still feel it.

He took me to the depths of the butt. I came back with a new level of pain.

That anal sex was like being hit with a shovel. I loved it.

Jumping in the air and landing with your junk in someone else’s. It’s like a dance, but you’re both sweating and high.

D-Rod jumped in the air and landed with his junk in mine. I didn’t know what hit me.

He did the air jump and landed in my pants. I did the walk of shame.

He flew in the air and landed in my lap. I flew into a new level of happiness.

The guy who’s quiet but full of jokes. He’s the kind of guy who loves so hard he’ll get hurt, but he still gives you the best love.

D-Rod was shy, but his jokes were loud. He made me laugh until I cried.

He was quiet but had the heart of a lion. I fell for him instantly.

He was nervous, but his love was wild. I couldn’t let him go.