D-buddies

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The person you talk to when you need someone to listen to your problems like they're the last piece of pizza.

You: I failed my math test. My D-buddy: You're not even a real person anymore.

Your D-buddy texts you at 2 a. m. because they're crying about their ex.

You: I'm gonna die. D-buddy: You're not even a real person. You're a fantasy.

The two guys on the roller hockey team who try to stop the other team but mostly just get in each other's way.

D-buddy 1: I'm gonna stop them. D-buddy 2: I'm gonna stop them. Both: We both stopped them. Both: We both failed.

They tackled the same player and got tackled back by the same player.

They both fell down at the same time and looked like idiots.