1
A tool so big it could give a toolbox a complex.
He showed up with a tool bigger than my dad's ego.
That tool could build a house and a coffin at the same time.
He’s the only tool who can fix a toilet and break a heart.
B Daws
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2
A creeper so serious he could scare a ghost into hiding.
He crept up on me like a ninja with a face full of sadness.
That creeper was so serious, even my dog cried.
He crept into my life like a sad zombie on a mission.
3
A homosexual so gay he could make a rainbow blush.
He’s so gay, even the sun turns around to look at him.
That homosexual could make a disco ball cry.
He’s so gay, my grandma said, ‘He’s like a glitter bomb in a suit.’
4
A fucker who treats men like they’re his personal punching bag.
He beats men like they’re his personal workout buddy.
That fucker could take down a superhero and laugh about it.
He’s the only guy who can make a man cry and then laugh about it.
5
A tiny bitch who thinks she’s the main character of a drama.
She’s so tiny, she thinks she’s the main character of a soap opera.
That little bitch could cry over a paper cut and make it a full-blown tragedy.
She’s the size of a snack but has the drama of a movie star.
6
A stupid motherfucker who thinks he’s Einstein with a bad attitude.
He’s so stupid, he thinks he’s Einstein with a bad attitude.
That motherfucker could fail a test and still think he’s a genius.
He’s so dumb, he could turn a math problem into a heartbreak.