A*P*H*

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7 views · Added 17d ago · 7 definitions

1
It's when your butt hair grows down to your pubes and looks like a dead raccoon gave you a hug.
My gym buddy said he saw me and my A*P*H and asked if we were going to a raccoon convention.
My ex called me and said, 'I miss your A*P*H, it was like a second lover.'
My mom walked in on me and my A*P*H and said, 'You're giving me a headache, and I'm not even drunk.'
2
When Criminal Minds fans get too deep into their obsession and write stories about Hotch and Prentiss like they're dating, even though Hotch is married and Prentiss is hot but not that hot.
My friend texted me: 'Read this new A*P*H fanfic, it's like Hotch and Prentiss are on a date, but Hotch is still married.'
My crush sent me a DM: 'You're like Emily Prentiss, and I'm like Hotch, but I'm not married, so maybe we can be A*P*H.'
My teacher said, 'Stop writing A*P*H fanfic in class, I'm not grading your imaginary love life.'
3
When you're so hungry for sex you're willing to take a punch to the face and still say yes.
My buddy said, 'I got pounded like a sack of potatoes at A*P*H.'
My girlfriend texted me, 'You pounded me at A*P*H, and I still love you.'
My cousin said, 'I got pounded at A*P*H and still didn’t know what hit me.'
4
A city where the tacos are so bad they'll make you cry and the soccer riots are so loud they’ll wake the dead.
My cousin went to Huntington Park and said, 'I got yelled at by a taco and a soccer fan.'
My friend said, 'Huntington Park is like the worst party ever, and the tacos are the DJ.'
My uncle said, 'I got into a fight at Huntington Park because the tacos looked at me wrong.'
5
When you text your friends about going to the bar and all they need is the name of the place, as long as it starts with P.
My friend said, 'Go to Pubs, it's the only place that starts with P and has drinks.'
My mom texted me, 'Just go to any P bar, I don't care which one.'
My brother said, 'I don’t care which P place you go to, just don’t come home drunk.'
6
It’s like a sandwich of weed, but instead of bread it’s your brain and your lungs.
My friend said, 'I ate a half pound of marijuana and it felt like my brain was on fire.'
My brother texted me, 'I ate a half pound of marijuana and now I'm talking to my dog like it's my boss.'
My cousin said, 'I ate a half pound of marijuana and thought my sister was a unicorn.'
7
A guy who wrote scary stories and made the universe sound like a horror movie, only he didn’t get paid and people still don’t know what he looked like.
My teacher said, 'Lovecraft was like a ghost who wrote horror and then died in a basement.'
My mom texted me, 'Lovecraft was the worst, he made the universe sound like a horror movie.'
My friend said, 'Lovecraft was so scary, he scared himself to death.'
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