A Wildfire

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8 views · Added 17d ago · 7 definitions

1
A bar run by a creepy, bald, middle-aged man who thinks he’s a rock star, and who has a habit of grabbing kids’ heads and shoving them into the toilet.
The guy tried to kiss me and made me drink beer out of a toilet.
He threatened to kick me out if I didn’t finish my whole plate of meatloaf.
He asked me if I wanted to ‘try something new’ and I ran out.
2
A guy who burns more trees than a forest fire, and who also burns his lungs with a blunt full of god-awful weed.
He hit me with a blunt and I coughed up a lung.
He burned my tree and my mom’s tree and my neighbor’s tree.
He said he would burn my house down if I didn’t give him a high five.
3
A king who owns everything. No one is bigger than him. He beats up people with a salmanderkiller, which is just a fancy name for a big stick.
He beat me with a stick because I didn’t say ‘yes sir’.
He told me he would take my lunch money if I didn’t do a backflip.
He killed a chicken with the salmanderkiller and I had to eat it.
4
A rumor that spreads so fast it becomes a full-blown disaster in less than a minute. Like when you tell your whole class that you got a girlfriend, and suddenly everyone believes you.
I said I had a girlfriend and now the whole school thinks I do.
My teacher believed me and now I have to go on a date with her.
My mom heard it and now she’s asking me to bring her home.
5
A really cool person, or a guy who looks like a lion and walks around like he owns the world.
He walked into the room and everyone turned around.
He said he was a pimp and I believed him.
He looked like a lion and had a mustache that looked like a beard.
6
When you set a girl’s tampon on fire and it burns her whole bush. Bonus if you put it out with your cum or your pee.
I lit her tampon on fire and she screamed like a banshee.
She ran out of the room and I had to chase her.
She said I was a monster and I said ‘thank you’.
7
When strongy gets taken down by something bigger, like when he loses a game and it’s the worst thing that ever happened to him.
Strongy lost the game and cried like a baby.
He said he was going to kill me if I beat him again.
He ran out of the room and I got a free pizza.
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