A relic

I saw the Hungry One at the mall. He ate three burgers, took a nap, and then washed his hair in a public toilet.

My cousin is the Hungry One. He eats like a horse, sleeps like a dead man, and then goes to the gym and takes a bath in a lake.

The Hungry One is my neighbor. He eats, sleeps, takes baths, and then does it all over again. I’ve seen him do this seven times in one day.

My uncle is a relic. He smells like a gym sock, wears the same pants every day, and calls me a ‘pigeon’ for no reason.

That guy at the bus stop is a relic. He’s got a beard like a raccoon and he talks to himself.

My teacher said I was a relic. I told her I wasn’t a hermit, I was just messy and rude.

My grandma’s watch is a relic. It’s older than my dad and still works.

This old phone is a relic. My grandpa still uses it to call his ex.

My dad’s favorite chair is a relic. It’s got more holes than a cheese board.

My neighbor is a relic. He stares at me like I’m his next meal and calls me ‘love’ in the middle of the street.

That guy in the coffee shop is a relic. He smiled at me and said ‘hello, beauty’ when I dropped my coffee on his shoes.

My cousin’s friend is a relic. He asked me out and said I was ‘a dream come true’ after I yelled at him for breaking my phone.

The guy who made Dawn of War is a relic. He didn’t charge me a million dollars for it.

Homeworld 2 is a relic. It’s still fun after all these years and it didn’t cost me my soul.

Company of Heroes is a relic. It’s the only game I’ve ever played that didn’t try to steal my money.

My brother is a relic. He doesn’t follow rules and he smells like he’s been living in a sock for ten years.

That guy who broke into my house is a relic. He looked like a raccoon and he didn’t even knock.

My teacher said I was a relic because I didn’t do my homework and I wore the same shirt for a week.

My uncle is a relic. He thinks the internet is a ‘new fad’ and still writes letters to his ex.

That guy on the train is a relic. He wears a hat that’s bigger than his head and he thinks the moon is made of cheese.

My grandma is a relic. She thinks a smartphone is a ‘magic box’ and she still uses a typewriter.