A real dad

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A real dad is a guy who lets you fail, but only after he yells at you for 10 minutes and throws your phone out the window.

My dad failed me in math just because I forgot my homework. Again.

He yelled at me for 10 minutes because I spilled my cereal. It was just cereal.

He threw my phone out the window because I texted my friend instead of doing my homework.

A real dad is someone who loves you, but only after he roasts you in front of your friends.

My dad roasted me in front of my entire class. It was the worst.

He told my friend that I was the worst student in the school. I was mad.

He roasted me in front of my family during dinner. I don't know how I survived.

A real dad is someone who’s always there, even if he’s drunk and passed out on the couch.

My dad was drunk and passed out on the couch when I came home from school. Still there.

He was passed out on the couch when I needed help with my math homework. Still there.

Even when he was drunk, he was still my dad. I knew that.

A real dad is someone who gives you advice, but only after he insults you.

He insulted me before giving me advice on how to pass the test.

He said I was the worst student ever before telling me how to study.

He insulted me first, but the advice was good.

A real dad is someone who loves you, but only after he makes you do push-ups for 10 minutes.

He made me do push-ups for 10 minutes because I didn’t clean my room.

I did push-ups for 10 minutes because I spilled my juice. Again.

He said I was lazy, so I had to do push-ups for 10 minutes.

A real dad is someone who’s proud of you, but only after he brags about you to your entire family.

He bragged about me in front of my entire family. I was proud.

He told my uncle I was the best student in the school. I was embarrassed.

He said I was the best ever, and I had to listen to it for 10 minutes.