a pager

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A guy who looks like a rockstar, has hair that could start a fire, and gets girls like they’re on sale.

My cousin is a pager. He asked me out and I said yes before I even knew who he was.

Pager walked into the bar and the whole place turned around. I didn’t even know he was there.

Pager just winked at me. I got a text from my mom saying 'he’s coming over.'

That old-school beeper thing. It beeps like it’s dying, and no one uses it anymore because everyone has a phone that does everything.

My grandma still uses a pager. It beeps like it’s annoyed with her.

Pager is just a fancy word for ‘old-tech beeper.’

Pager is the only thing that still beeps. It’s like it’s holding on for dear life.

A crackhead who steals your stuff and then tries to sell it back to you so he can buy more drugs.

Pager stole my phone and tried to sell it back to me for $5. I said no and he cried.

Pager took my lunch and then came back asking for $10.

Pager stole my kid’s toy and tried to sell it for $20.

When you lie about reading an article, but you just saw the title and first line on Facebook.

Pager said he read the whole article. I saw him scrolling on Facebook.

Pager said he did the homework. I saw him reading the first line on his phone.

Pager said he understood the science report. I saw him looking at the title on his phone.

A crackhead who steals your stuff and then tries to sell it back to you so he can buy more drugs and also pawn your kid’s Christmas gift for drugs.

Pager stole my kid’s Christmas gift and pawned it for drugs.

Pager took my phone and then asked me for $10 for it. I said no.

Pager stole my lunch and pawned it for drugs.

A person who loves Elliot Page so much they don’t care if they look like a fool.

Pager walked into the bar wearing a shirt that said ‘Elliot Page 4 Ever.’

Pager texted me saying ‘Elliot Page is the best person ever.’

Pager cried when Elliot Page left the movie.

A wad of cash wrapped in a rubber band. A pager is just a pager. Used by druggies who don’t know how to count.

Pager gave me a wad of cash wrapped in a rubber band. I counted it and it was $100.

Pager tried to pay me with a wad of cash wrapped in a rubber band. It was $50.

Pager gave me a wad of cash wrapped in a rubber band. I said no, it was $20.