A New York Shoe Shine

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When a New Yorker talks in circles and makes simple things sound like a broken toaster.

'So what you're saying is... maybe we should try again later?'

'I don't know why it's not working. It's like the internet is being mean to me.'

'I don't want to say it. I just don't want to say it.'

When a New Yorker makes a problem sound like a war and takes three hours to say it.

'It's not just a little problem. It's a full-on war between me and my coffee.'

'We're not just arguing. We're having a full-blown battle in the middle of the subway.'

'He didn't just say no. He said no in three different languages.'

When a New Yorker makes you feel like you're stuck in a traffic jam with a broken car and a screaming kid.

'I can't even explain it. It's like I'm stuck in a traffic jam and my car is on fire.'

'He's not just late. He's late with a side of drama and a full meal.'

'She didn't just forget. She forgot with a full explanation and a mini-concert.'

When a New Yorker makes a simple question sound like a detective novel and takes forever to answer it.

'You're asking me why I'm late? Let me tell you the whole story. It starts with a broken coffee machine and a very angry barista.'

'Why didn't you call me? Because I was busy being distracted by my thoughts and my cat.'

'I didn't just say I was going to be late. I told you I was going to be late in three different ways.'

When a New Yorker makes a small problem sound like it's going to end the world and takes ten minutes to say it.

'This isn't just a problem. This is a world-ending problem and I'm not even sure why.'

'He didn't just forget. He forgot and it's going to cost us all our lives.'

'I can't even explain it. It's like the world is ending and I have to tell you all about it.'

When a New Yorker turns a quick question into a ten-minute speech with a full backstory and a side of drama.

'You just asked me why I'm late? Let me tell you the whole story. It starts with my cat, my coffee, and a very angry barista.'

'I didn't just say I was going to be late. I told you I was going to be late in three different ways and it's going to cost us all our lives.'

'Why didn't you call me? Because I was busy with my thoughts, my cat, and my very angry barista.'