a muckenfuss

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1
The guy who's so hot he makes your face feel like it just got hit by a truck full of glitter and bad decisions.
That guy at the gas station who smiled at me like he just won the lottery and my face.
My cousin's ex said he was 'the most attractive man since Jesus took a selfie.'
He walked into the room and my brain short-circuited.
2
A hillbilly with more dirt than a mud bath and a mouth full of bad teeth and worse opinions.
He ate a whole chicken with his hands and said it was 'the best meal since the moon landing.'
He tried to explain the internet like it was a game of checkers.
He told me his dog could count to ten and it was 'just a guess.'
3
When you trade your wrangler tags like it's the stock market and you're betting your dignity.
I swapped my wrangler tag for a bag of chips and now I'm stuck with a coupon for a free lollipop.
He traded his wrangler tag for a fish and now he's swimming in regret.
They swapped tags like it was the final round of a battle royale.
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