A Matthew Day

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A Matthew Day is when a guy acts like he’s rich but never gives you your money back. He’s a cash-hoarding cheapskate.

Matthew said he’d pay me back next week. Next week came and went. He’s still broke.

Matthew borrowed $20 and now he’s telling me he’s going to buy a new phone.

Matthew said he’d pay me back when he got his first paycheck. That was three years ago.

National Beat Up Matthew Day is on April 20th, and it’s when people go full-on crazy and punch the nearest Matthew for no reason at all.

I saw Matthew at the store, I hit him with a shopping cart. He didn’t even know what hit him.

My friend beat up Matthew because he forgot to bring cookies to class.

We all started a fight with Matthew because he said he hated pizza.

Matthew Day happens way too often, and every time people take pictures or videos of Matthew like he’s a famous celebrity.

I took a video of Matthew eating a sandwich. It’s now viral.

Matthew was walking by the gym, and everyone started taking pictures. He was confused.

I took a selfie with Matthew and now he’s famous.

December 11th is Abuse Matthew Day, and that’s when people go full-on psycho and punch Matthew until he’s black and blue.

Matthew said he’d take it easy on me. He didn’t. He took it easy on everyone else.

I beat Matthew up because he broke my phone.

Matthew was my boyfriend. Now he’s my punching bag.

December 4th is Matthew Pay Day, and that’s when you have to give Matthew $2 and bow to him like he’s a king.

I had to bow to Matthew like he was a king. He laughed at me.

Matthew Pay Day is the worst. I had to bow and give him $2.

Matthew Pay Day came, and I had to give him $2 and bow. I’m still mad.