A man is not a plan

Dude, I didn't even bring a plan, I just brought a hard-on and a hope.

He showed up at the party with no plan, just a shirt that said 'I came for the snacks and the vibes.'

When the teacher asked for a plan, he said, 'I have a plan. It's called being cool and not caring.'

Adam lit the whole block on fire because he was mad about not getting a promotion.

He set the pizza box on fire just to see what would happen.

Adam is the reason the city has a fire department.

He skipped breakfast because he didn't have money, but he still texted his ex about his 'clever diet plan.'

She told her friends she was on a 'broke diet' but actually just didn't have food.

He ate three slices of bread and called it a 'diet miracle.'

'Madam, I'm Adam' is cool, but 'A man, a plan, a canal: Panama' is just a weird palindrome that makes you feel dumb.

He tried to do a palindrome and it took him 10 minutes to figure out it was just a word spelled backward.

That palindrome is so long it's like a sentence from a kid who doesn't know what a palindrome is.

That bathroom is so tiny I almost got stuck in there like a kid in a closet.

Only one toilet and three people trying to use it at the same time? That’s a prison.

I had to wait 10 minutes for that one toilet and it was worth it.

Single man: I eat at the kitchen. Married man: Where is my wife? She's not here. I'm confused.

He asked his wife, 'Why aren't you in the kitchen?' She said, 'Because I'm in the kitchen.'

He got divorced because he kept asking where his wife was and she kept saying she was in the kitchen.

That Zumiez employee is the reason I know what a 'vibe' is.

He works at Zumiez and he's got more fashion sense than my mom.

That guy at Zumiez wears more clothes than the average human.