a low hanging fruit

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A laughable word for a faggot who camps out with the homeless and smells like a wet sock.

I saw that guy again. Still hanging with the same dirty old men.

He’s like the human equivalent of a half-eaten donut.

He’s the reason my lunch break is now a full-blown mental health crisis.

Tasks that are so simple, you could do them with one eye closed and a hangover.

My boss said it was a low hanging fruit. I said, 'I’d rather eat a brick.'

That report? Pfft. That was a low hanging fruit. I did it in my sleep.

I could have done that with one hand tied behind my back and a mouthful of popcorn.

The easiest stuff you do while sitting in a cubicle, staring at a screen like a zombie.

I did that task so fast, my coffee didn’t even have time to cool down.

That was like doing a crossword puzzle while wearing socks on your hands.

It was easier than convincing my mom to stop texting me at 2 a. m.

A hot girl who doesn’t know she’s hot and will sleep with you if you say 'hi'.

She said yes to my offer of pizza and a movie. I didn’t even ask for anything else.

She looked like she just walked out of a beauty school and had no idea what she was doing.

I asked her out. She said, 'Sure, why not?' Like it was a math problem.

The most annoying phrase in the whole wide world. It's like hearing your mom say 'I told you so' every five minutes.

My boss said, 'It’s a low hanging fruit.' I said, 'I’m going to scream.'

I heard that phrase one more time, and I threw my stapler at the wall.

That phrase is the reason I now have a headache and a broken stapler.

A guy who’s got a peach so close to his feet, he doesn’t even need a ladder to reach it.

That guy’s got a peach so close to his toes, I think it’s just waiting for him to blink.

He walks by and I swear I can smell the peach from across the office.

That guy’s got a peach so close to his knees, he doesn’t even need pants.

A girl who’s kind of hot but still thinks she’s a failure. She’ll date anyone who says 'hello' and cries when you break up with her.

She’s hot, but she still cries when I say 'no' to her. I feel bad.

She’s like a snack bag. Easy to open, but she still expects a full meal.

She’s kind of hot, but she still texts me at 1 a. m. and says, 'I miss you.'