A lawrence

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A beer bottle that’s been opened but barely touched. Like you took one sip and left it to die.

My roommate left a lawrence on the table. I took one sip and it’s been there for a week.

I found a lawrence in the fridge. It was still full. I felt betrayed.

Left a lawrence on the counter. My mom called it a 'beer ghost.'

The guy who’s got the looks, the brain, and the junk. He’s smart, funny, and people think he’s got a foot-long sausage.

My lawrence said he was gonna eat the whole pizza. He ate one slice and left. That’s a lawrence.

My lawrence is the only person who can make me laugh and cry at the same time.

He told me he was a lawrence. I said I believed him. He said I was a fool.

A guy who’s nice, has a decent cock, and knows how to make a woman happy. He’s also a beast in sports.

My lawrence just beat me in a game of basketball. He also beat me in bed.

He’s my lawrence. He’s the kind of guy who would run a marathon and still have time to flirt with my sister.

My lawrence is a nice guy, but I swear he has a secret life as a superhero.

The most awesome person ever. He’s honest, loyal, and has the cutest smile. Girls go wild for him and he knows it.

My lawrence is the kind of guy who would save the world and still have time to text me.

He’s my lawrence. He’s cute, sweet, and makes me laugh every day. He doesn’t even know he’s amazing.

He’s the lawrence I’ve been waiting for. He’s perfect, and he knows it.

A panda. That’s it. Don’t question it.

My lawrence is a panda. I don’t know why. I just know he eats a lot.

He told me he was a lawrence. I asked what that meant. He said a panda.

He drew a panda. He said it was a lawrence. I said he was a weirdo.

A sausage so big it could knock out a bull. That’s what people say when they see a lawrence.

He showed me his lawrence. I said I believed him. I was wrong.

My lawrence is so big, he could’ve been a wrestler.

He told me he had a lawrence. I asked if it was true. He said, 'You gonna believe me or not?'

The best boyfriend ever. He’s kind, cute, and you’ll want to marry him the second you meet him.

My lawrence is the best boyfriend. He’s kind, cute, and I already want to marry him.

He’s my lawrence. He’s sweet, and he makes me feel like the best person in the world.

He told me he was a lawrence. I said I believed him. Now I can’t stop thinking about marrying him.