a la carte poontang

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Friends with benefits but only when they feel like it. You get the good stuff without the drama.

He said we could hang out anytime, but only if I brought snacks and didn’t ask about his ex.

She said she’d blow me if I paid for her coffee. I did. She didn’t.

He texted me late at night saying he needed a quickie. I showed up. He fell asleep.

Getting free sex like it’s a menu. No strings attached. Just pick what you want.

I asked if we could have a cheat day. He said, ‘Sure, as long as I get the main course.’

She said she’d do me if I let her sleep in. I let her sleep. She didn’t do me.

He said, ‘I’ll give you a discount if you come back next week.’ I came back. He charged me full price.

You’re just a backup plan. They’ll come back to you when they’re done with their main squeeze.

She said, ‘I’ll be with you when I’m not with him.’ I’ve been waiting for three years.

He said he’d come back to me after his weekend fling. He came back. He forgot me.

She asked if I’d wait for her. I said yes. She asked if I’d wait for her ex. I said no.

You’re the side dish. They’ll eat you when they’re done with the main course.

He said, ‘I’ll be with you when I’m not with her.’ She’s been with him for two years.

She asked if I wanted to hang out. I said yes. She asked if I wanted to hang out with her ex. I said no.

He said I was the best thing since sliced bread. Then he left me for toast.

You get the good stuff, but only when they feel like it. No promises. No guarantees.

She said, ‘I’ll see you when I’m not busy.’ I’ve been waiting for six months.

He said he’d come back to me. He came back. He came back with her.

She said, ‘I’ll be with you when I’m not with him.’ He’s been with her for a year.

You’re the free meal. No need to pay for the whole thing. Just take what you want.

He said, ‘I’ll be with you when I’m not with her.’ She’s been with him for two years.

She said, ‘I’ll come back to you when I’m done with him.’ He’s been with her for a year.

He said, ‘I’ll be with you when I’m not busy.’ I’ve been waiting for six months.