A Kirby Thanksgiving

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When someone in the family goes full lunatic and shoves their fake stories down the sweet baby Jesus’s throat just to make everyone else suffer.

My uncle told the whole table that he married the Easter Bunny. No one believed him, but Jesus was crying.

My aunt said she saw the devil at the mall. Jesus just looked at her like she was a bad punchline.

My cousin claimed he had a pet Santa. Jesus was like, 'I'm not even mad anymore.'

When a relative tries to take over Thanksgiving by lying so hard that even the sweet baby Jesus gives up and goes home.

My uncle said he was friends with Abraham Lincoln. Jesus was like, 'He died in 1865, buddy.'

My aunt told the story of how she killed a dragon. Jesus looked at her like she had two left feet.

My cousin said he had a twin brother who was born in 1798. Jesus was like, 'You’re not even close.'

When someone in the family ruins the holiday by telling so many stupid lies that even the sweet baby Jesus throws a tantrum and leaves.

My uncle said he was a ninja in the 1980s. Jesus was like, 'You were a ninja? I was a baby.'

My aunt claimed she was a pirate who sailed the Seven Seas. Jesus looked at her like she was a joke.

My cousin said he had a pet ghost who told him the future. Jesus was like, 'I'm out.'