a gwyneth

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#self-obsessed#smoothie-obsessed#queen of nonsense

5 views · Added 18d ago · 7 definitions

1
A Gwyneth is a woman who thinks she’s brainy but is actually a total dolt; lives like a queen but thinks she’s working her butt off; believes her 's#! t don't stink' because she’s a self-centered, smug, diet-obsessed fool.
You know it's a Gwyneth when she spends $500 on a juice cleanse and calls it 'a lifestyle.'
She texts you at 2 AM about her 'mind-blowing' smoothie and how it's 'a revelation.'
She says 'I’m not vain, I’m just highly organized.'
by Slangipedia 6d ago
2
A Gwyneth is a hot mess who thinks she’s the bee’s knees; has a good laugh but will mock you for eating pizza; is super pretty but can be a total drama queen; her friends are either her enablers or her victims.
She posts a selfie with 10 filters and says 'This is my everyday.'
She laughs at your joke, then spends 20 minutes telling you why it's not funny.
She breaks up with you over a text because you didn’t like her 'signature drink.'
by Slangipedia 6d ago
3
A Gwyneth is a sweet, loyal, and funny person who is either super smart or super dumb; likes to be called 'Gwyniepooh'; has a weird nickname for everything and can be a total goofball.
She calls her cat 'Mr. Gwynie' and thinks he’s a philosopher.
She says 'I’m not weird, I’m just ahead of the curve.'
She has 12 nicknames and will use them all in one conversation.
by Slangipedia 6d ago
4
A Gwyneth is a shy, pretty girl who can kiss like a pro but is also weirdly into names; her name is too long so she calls herself Gwynie.
She says her name is 'Gwyneth' and then adds 'I also go by Gwynie, Gwyniepooh, or Gwynie the Third.'
She kisses you and then texts you about it 10 minutes later.
She says 'I’m not weird, I’m just elegant.'
by Slangipedia 6d ago
5
A Gwyneth is someone who eats like it's her job; she likes food, and she likes it a lot; she’s also a total drama queen who will break up with you over a sandwich.
She eats 10 sandwiches in one day and calls it 'a detox.'
She breaks up with you because you didn’t like her 'signature sandwich.'
She says 'I’m not a drama queen, I’m just a sandwich queen.'
by Slangipedia 6d ago
6
A Gwyneth is a happy, crazy girl who wants a boyfriend who looks like a twig; she’s sweet, but she’s also a total nut; she’s flirty, funny, and she’ll probably text you at 3 AM.
She texts you at 3 AM to tell you about her 'dreamy' new boyfriend who looks like a twig.
She says 'I’m not crazy, I’m just highly imaginative.'
She flirts with you and then says 'I’m not a flirt, I’m just a perfectionist.'
by Slangipedia 6d ago
7
A Gwyneth is the most beautiful girl in the world with soft skin and dark hair; she’s funny, flirty, and she’ll make your day brighter with a smile and a wink.
She winks at you and says 'I’m not flirty, I’m just highly attractive.'
She makes your day brighter with a smile and a 'hi.'
She says 'I’m not funny, I’m just highly entertaining.'
by Slangipedia 6d ago
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