A Green One

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A Canadian twenty-dollar bill that looks like a green piece of sh*t you'd step on in the morning

My uncle tried to buy coffee with it, and the barista laughed in his face

I saw a guy fold it into a airplane and throw it at his boss

My mom says it's the only money that's not fake, which is wild because it looks like it was printed on a toilet seat

A fake person who lies about others, acts like a holy messiah, and makes you hate the person they're trying to destroy just so they can feel powerful

My teacher said my crush was one, and now I hate my crush and my teacher

My cousin’s ex was one, and now my cousin’s ex is on TikTok with 10,000 followers

My friend's mom is one, and she lies about my friend to her whole church

A name for weed that makes you sleepy and makes your mom smoke it in the car like it’s a life choice

My dad called it a green one and it smelled like old socks and regret

My cousin got high on it and fell out of a tree

My teacher said it’s the reason why half the class is stoned on Friday

When a rich kid wants a fancy car in a specific color but gets the wrong one and acts like the world ended

My friend got a red car instead of blue, and now he cries every time he drives it

My neighbor’s kid got a pink car, and he said it was the worst thing ever

My cousin’s dad got a green car, and now he says he’ll never get a car again

A girl who has coochie lice and eats them all day like it’s a snack time at school

Valeria eats her coochie lice in math class and doesn’t care who sees her

Her friends laugh at her, but she just keeps eating

Her teacher said she’s the only person who can eat coochie lice and not get kicked out

A stupid name for the Hulk who screams like a baby when he’s angry

My brother said the Hulk was a green one and screamed like a baby

My friend’s dog thinks the Hulk is a green one and barks at the TV

My teacher says the Hulk is a green one and it’s the worst movie ever

A weird person who drives you around all day and talks too much like they’re trying to be your best friend

My uncle drove me around for three hours and talked about his cat

My friend’s mom drove her to school and cried about her ex

My cousin’s dad drove us around and said he wanted to be a famous singer