A fast one

My cousin said he'd help me move, then he stole my couch and said it was a 'moving fee.'

My boss told me I was getting a raise, then I got a pay cut and a new boss.

My girlfriend said she was going to the store, came back with three kids and a dog.

He said we were playing poker, then he added a rule that I had to pay him if I folded.

She said we were splitting the bill, then she took the whole thing and said it was a 'tip.'

My buddy said we'd split the pizza, then he took the whole thing and said it was a 'pizza tax.'

My uncle sold me a house for double the price and said it was a 'family discount.'

My sister gave me a loan then said it was a 'gift' and now I have to pay her back triple.

My brother stole my car and said it was 'just borrowing it for a few days.'

He went into the porta potty during the meeting and came out 10 minutes later with a beer.

She went into the porta potty and came out with a guy and a pizza.

My coworker went into the porta potty and came out with a full-blown hangover.

He said he was going to the bathroom, but came out 15 minutes later with a drink and a guy.

She went to the bathroom and came back with a burger and a new guy.

My coworker went to the bathroom and came back with a hangover and a new friend.

He said he was going to the bathroom, but he came back 20 minutes later with a full bag of chips and a guy.

She said she was going to the bathroom, but she came back with a new friend and a drink.

My boss said he was going to the bathroom, but he came back with a drink, a guy, and a new plan to steal my job.

He said he was my friend, then he took my money and said it was a 'loan.'

She said she was helping me, then she took my car and said it was a 'gift.'

My brother said he was going to help me, then he took my money and said it was a 'tip.'