Slangipedia - Slang Dictionary

1

A cigarette is a lady who’s been around the block so many times, she’s got a map and a therapist.

My aunt smokes three packs a day and still manages to gossip about my cousins’ drama.

That old lady at the bus stop knows my name and my business.

My mom’s a cigarette, she’s been around since before the internet.

2

A cigarette is a plan made by smart people who said, 'why waste seven years of your life being a babbling idiot?'

I gave up smoking because I was tired of being a babbling idiot.

My dad’s plan was to smoke until he died, and he did it.

My uncle’s seven years of babbling idiot was just him trying to explain his life choices.

3

A cigarette is how far you walk before you’re done puffing.

I took a 10-minute walk just to finish one cigarette.

He walked the whole block like a man on a mission, just to smoke.

She walked so far, I thought she was going to the store.

4

A cigarette is the official breakfast of champions, if you're a loser.

I eat my cereal and smoke my cigarette like a king.

My breakfast is a cigarette and a coffee, that’s all I need to rule the world.

Champions eat cereal, losers smoke cigarettes.

5

A cigarette is a magic wand that makes buses appear like they’re conjured from thin air.

I lit up a cigarette and my bus showed up like it was magic.

He waited for his bus for an hour, then he smoked and it arrived in 30 seconds.

She didn’t even light it, and the bus showed up like it was waiting for her.

6

A cigarette is what non-smokers die of cancer without ever using, and then they complain.

She never smoked and still got cancer, and she still complains.

He died of cancer and never touched a cigarette, and he still nagged me about it.

They all died of cancer and still had the audacity to complain.

7

A cigarette is a pre-wrapped piece of death with a fancy name, and it’s not even the best part of the package.

I smoke because I don’t want to be the last one left alive.

They wrapped the poison in a box and called it a cigarette.

It’s like the universe gave you a cigarette and said, 'here, this will kill you slowly.'