A Blocker

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Major software mess-ups that make the code look like a kid threw a pizza party in a computer lab and then left it to rot.

The app crashed so hard it gave me a headache.

The update was so broken, my phone started crying.

I tried to launch it, and it just blinked at me like it was insulted.

When a guy is trying to chat up a girl, and some annoying friend keeps stepping in like they're the main character of a bad soap opera.

My bro just had to say something stupid and ruin the vibe.

He walked in like he owned the place and ruined the moment.

He stepped in like he was trying to be cool, but he was just a dweeb.

A girl who falls asleep on the couch and won't go to bed just to make you uncomfortable and show you who’s boss.

She won’t move even if I throw a pillow at her.

She’s like a couch vampire, and I’m the victim.

She’s blocking me like I owe her money.

In FPS games, a blocker is some idiot who stands in the doorway like they were paid by the enemy to make your life a nightmare.

He stood there like he was trying to be a hero and just got in the way.

He blocked my escape like I was in a prison break movie.

He blocked me and I got shot like it was my fault.

A walrus who’s so fat he could probably block traffic and smells like a combo of greasy food and regret.

He smelled like he had been living in a burger joint for years.

He moved like he had just eaten a whole pizza.

He looked like he was about to burst and take out the whole hallway.

A girl who looks hot from a block away, but when she gets up close, she’s like a broken toaster, not as good as it seemed.

She looked like a dream from a block away, but up close, she was just a regular human.

She looked like a goddess from afar, but she had a nose like a clown.

She looked like a queen from a block away, but when I got up close, she looked like she just woke up from a nap.

A girl who’s cute from a block away but looks like she just stepped out of a discount store when you get up close.

She looked like a model from a block away, but up close, she looked like she had a budget.

She looked like a star from a block away, but up close, she had a face like a broken phone.

She looked like a goddess from a block away, but when she walked up, she looked like she was trying to sell me a coupon.